Today, with the loss and heartbreak, a painful family situation. The seriousness of the situation was a bit stressful but I kept all my professional engagements and I met my timelines. I actually went well ahead of my timelines. I didn’t go oversharing or even talking about the bad news – I didn’t even get the opportunity to talk about it or myself.
I have a work friend who I spoke with and it was nice to have someone who gets those feelings – but I feel selfish for dumping my problems today onto one work friend.
What infuriates me, apart from being excluded socially for god knows what reason, is the people I work with. It’s so clique based and self-centred. I barely got a one liner of the obligatory “sorry to hear the bad news” from my team leader. One of the Fat Lady Lunch clique members got a fucking email run and money for the death of a friend. I wouldn’t want those fakers sending me money or fake giving me flowers – because I am NOT that sort of person. Bloody human compassion, respect and decency is all I want.
Then within 5 minutes, I got yelled at and second guessed with my work by the team leader when I walked in. What was worse, it was something I actually did right the first time. So when my co-worker (the one who likes to mansplain things) was asking me why I didn’t just automatically action it – I had to say well “team leader asked you to review it first”. Then in jumps team leader about 50 million things that had nothing to with sending the documents to a client. It’s like for fucks sake. I might be the youngest team member; but let me do my fucking job. Team leader shuffled off for the day and said NOTHING to me.
Then I had the B Team WHINGE for a full thirty minutes (no more and probably 10 minutes minimum) about “mystery reports” appearing on the computer. I wonder how that fucking happened. A “report mystically flew down through the heavenly ethernet to land on your computer“. Like are you fucking serious? Why it take 30 minutes to “work out” that I had also been asked to HELP YOU – when your own fucking boss told you twenty fucking times I was doing it with your shit team. Like you ungrateful fucker – you’re welcome. Next time, I will fucking not bother and do my own work. Instead of watching some lazy fucking gossip (and slow computer user) bitch about me for doing THEIR unfinished backlog workload. Your fucking team leader, HC Boss and even useless Champers, told me your team was struggling to meet its deadlines with your reports. All I had to do was review your work, when I could with my current workload (which is very busy too and not in need of unorganised bullshit)
I see fucking sick co-workers who don’t wash their hands and cough near me – stay home if you are sick and wear a flu mask. Now the wedding is coming up, I am freaking out about being sick and not feeling great for the wedding. I don’t want to be sick. It’s a winter wedding and that is one of the most stressful things. I don’t want to get anyone else sick.
The Peacock Coffee Clique members who sit in the same office as me…won’t ever say good morning or introduce themselves.
SIDE NOTE – I fucking asked for your names multiple times. I am a visual person I am great with faces but suck with names. Like, I fucking asked you who you all were – but no. No one fucking tells me anything.
These 2 fuckers were having a good old chat about the “disgusting” straight marriages and having full blown socio-political conversations about how wrong it is for gay people to be excluded from marriage. I was also having to hear about how marriage is a ball-and-chain and how “do people want to get married”. The workplace is so inappropriate for these “political fuel” conversations. I felt so upset and uncomfortable. Knowing full well that people in the office have previously asked me, in front of these hipster fuckwits, about my upcoming wedding. I don’t know if they were that clueless, didn’t know (hard considering they were there when asked) or trying to get a rise from me.
I don’t generally (if at all) discuss religion, sex or politics. I won’t IRL (especially at work), I don’t on my blog and I certainly wouldn’t make other people feel shit about their special events.
And I am sick of the clique bullshit that is going on at work. That includes team leader who is suddenly all friendly with the coffee peacock clique; talking about lunches and going out on cycling coffee dates. Then you have the other major clique, the Fat Lunch Ladies clique who were all having a huge fucking pow wow and blanking me out. Oh and their favourite boss, Champange Boss (Champers for short) was treating them favourably and having good old chats with them. Not even a fucking hello to me for the month (shocker)…all Champers for short, could SAY to (another co-worker) “oh how’s your cold?” MULTIPLE TIMES DURING THE DAY. I wasn’t counting but I saw Champers an abnormal number of times (no more than 5).
The Fat Lady Lunch clique, which some of the B Team members lunch with, also were blowing me off today. I was pretty pissed off, but dealt with it in a professional way, when one of the clique members was excluding me from work related stuff. I had to get a collation of data; this person was passing it over to my team mate but not me. So at our meeting, in comes me, with NO INFORMATION.
I have done nothing rude to these fucking fat cows. I just had been very polite to them in person (professionally). I always say good morning. I don’t trash talk others. I could have looked at someone funny. Who fucking knows? SO said not to be too angry about the lack of concern or care for me (as an employee) because Champer’s behaviour (and that of the clique by association) is all that you need to say about that person. SO also worried that my quiet, introverted nature may be offputting to these cliques. We got into a huge verbal fight about the matter; SO didn’t want me to be fired for not being friendly with the clique.
I have been doing some quick research into obvious signs that your boss hates you. I am pretty sure ALLLL the signs have been there since day one.
If a job only pays your bills, it’s robbing you! The right job pays your bills and grows your flame. Working at the right job your mojo grows every day. You keep learning and you build up the people around you, who build you up in turn.
- Your Time Means Nothing
- Your Boss ‘Forgets’ or Overlooks Commitments
- S/he Ignores Your Needs
- As Far as S/he’s Concerned, Anyone Could do Your Job
- Doesn’t Consult You in Your Area of Expertise
- Won’t or Can’t Acknowledge your Contribution
1. Your manager is not interested in your opinion on any topic.
3. Your manager doesn’t thank you even when you save the day or put forward an incredible effort.
4. Your manager doesn’t ask your opinion, even on topics that relate to your job description.
5. Your manager isn’t interested in talking about the things what you’re working on, or problem-solving with you — they only want you to hit your goals without causing any problems.
6. Your boss could learn a lot if they would only chat with you from time time, but they don’t.
9. Your manager has never talked with you about your future or your career path.
We desperately want to feel valued — by leaders, colleagues, and our organization.
So, what do you do when you feel like you’re being held down? You’ve got to lift yourself up. My research shows that the best response to feeling disrespected is to take steps to foster a sense of thriving. In this psychological state, individuals experience both a sense of vitality and learning; they have a sense of being energized and alive and a sense that they are continually improving and getting better at what they do.
Work closely with a mentor. In my interviews, I have also found that a close relationship with a mentor is closely correlated with thriving. Mentors have a knack for challenging their protégées and ensuring they don’t stagnate or get caught in an unproductive churn. They can push you to reach for more and focus on yourself and your future.
Finding meaning or a sense of purpose in your work.
Thrive outside the office.
You’ve got a bad gut feeling.
If you feel like your boss doesn’t like you, it could just be in your head. But it can also be true. If they treat you very differently than everyone else, you’re probably not their favorite person. Trust your gut and continue looking for other signs if you have a strong feeling about this.
They don’t acknowledge your presence.
If your boss doesn’t say “Good morning” when you arrive, or, “Have a great night” on their way out, they may be telling you they don’t like you, says Taylor.
They’re short with you.
Tap into these essential skills to get on your supervisor’s good side.
If you ask, “How’s it going?” and they always respond with “Ok” or “Fine” — or if their emails to always get straight to the point, and never begin with a friendly “Hello” or “Good afternoon,” this may be a sign they’re not a huge fan of you.
“If your boss sounds like a moody teenager, then that’s a pretty big red flag,” says Kerr.
They never ask about your personal life or family, always keeping conversations professional and businesslike.
If you notice that your boss speaks with everyone else about their kids or hobbies, but never brings up these topics with you, they’re probably just not interested in hearing about your life, says Kerr.
They assign you jobs that no one else wants to do.
If your boss only gives you menial tasks well below your level of experience or competence — such as “busy work,” it’s a sign they don’t trust or respect your abilities (or worse, that they are actively encouraging you to look for work elsewhere), says Taylor.
They never give you any feedback …
A boss who wants to help you grow will provide feedback — good and bad. “But an absence of any feedback shows complete indifference towards your performance and your future growth as an employee,” says Kerr.
The don’t ever include you in their office bantering or humor.
Friendly teasing with employees is often done to show that you are part of the team, that you’re “one of us” — so when a boss never feels comfortable including you in friendly ribbing, it may be a sign they don’t care for you.
3. Your boss doesn’t relate to you. Much has been written on the five generations currently in the workplace and their different values and expectations. Sure, some clashes between managers and employees can be chalked up to generational differences, but some simply correspond to being at different ages and stages in your careers. Maybe your boss is significantly older than you and can’t fathom that you can work while listening to music. Or you’re a Gen-Xer reporting to a twenty-something boss who doesn’t understand the family responsibilities that require you to leave the building at 5pm. The disconnect could also be due to gender differences or just different interests. The telltale signs that your boss doesn’t relate to you include: use of examples and metaphors that mean nothing to you; sarcasm and one-liners that are more personal in nature; and a lack of informal connection in the hallways or after hours.
If you feel that your boss can’t connect with you personally, start forming even the smallest links to bring you together. Open up a dialogue with questions like: “How would you look at this situation?” “What experiences have you had that shape your thinking here?” “What am I not thinking about?” Listen to and learn from your boss and reflect back what you’re hearing. It’s also valuable to share your perspective to give your boss a window into how you think. “That’s really interesting because I’ve had different experiences. My experiences have been…” Eventually, you’ll both come to appreciate each other’s perspectives better. When you feel rapport starting to build, try introducing some questions about activities and interests outside of work. At some point you’ll find something in common to help you connect.
4. Your boss is insecure. The hardest situation is when your boss dislikes you because you are successful, smart, and confident and he is insecure and feels threatened. One of the tell-tale signs of an insecure boss is erratic behavior. When all is well and the boss is feeling confident, you might have a perfectly friendly relationship; but the minute something you do or say hits a raw nerve, you see anger, hostility, and defensiveness. For example, a seemingly productive conversation about a new project might go south if you inadvertently make your boss feel that you know something that she doesn’t. That could result in defensiveness (“I knew that!”) or resistance to your idea (“I don’t think that’s the way we should go.”)
There are very few satisfying remedies for building a relationship with these types of bosses. Acting less capable isn’t a viable path. Pretending to be less smart might work with your boss, but could damage your reputation in the organization. The most successful tactic is often to give your manager a share of your success and your confidence. Find opportunities to ask him how he would approach a given problem and then give credit for his contribution. “It looks like that solution is going to work. Thanks for your insights; they helped me get clear on the issue.” The moment you see defensive behavior creeping in, ease up. Switch to more deferential questions such as “help me understand…” and “how should I be thinking about this?” Mostly, be prepared to get barked at periodically and remember that it’s not about you.
It’s demoralizing to think that your boss doesn’t like you. Stop thinking about it as a universal dislike and instead think “it’s not that she doesn’t like me, it’s that she just isn’t confident in me yet.” And no matter what the situation or the cause of the issue, get stuff done, share the credit, and ask how else you can help—those are tried-and-true strategies for building a solid relationship with your boss.
In my first week, because I worked under different bosses, I had to get my performance talk done by ex-boss (went excellently) and then current team. I gave a pretty honest chat to my team leader (not HC Boss) about what I wanted from my career, from this job and putting myself forward in terms of leading meetings and being more active in projects. I said I prefer consulting, mentoring and having the opportunity to talk to my boss about my workload and desperately wanted feedback. Champers gave no shits about what I wrote for my evaluation and they didn’t even know who conducted my performance talk.
I am the only team member (don’t really feel like one at the moment) with a unique set of qualifications and not what everyone else studied. I am also easily the youngest by a decade (minimum).
I mentioned minor things like how Champers would be questioning why I used my fucking initiative and did things. Getting Champers (who was originally lower down the pecking order from me) to do ANYTHING was next to fucking impossible.
Getting any form of acknowledgement or attention, which is so lovingly lavished onto other clique members, is zero percent.
I’m pretty sure I could do something like set an office fire, have an orgy sex romp in the photocopying room, stick my ass out the office window and throw my period sanitary items in Champer’s direction (hell she probably wouldn’t notice if I snuck SO into the office for the day – I would never be romping around with my older-than-my-grandparents co-workers) or even sit on the toilet all day – and Champers would be so fucking oblivious to it.
But Champers the Boss can sit there all day having “coffee meetings” with the Fat Lady Lunch Clique or the Friday Champange Lunches (from what the Fat Lady Lunch Clique were saying/gossiping about). I don’t give two shits about not being invited. I think it’s rude blah blah blah – it’s old news. It’s been happening to me since day one – it’s all because the entire workplace thought I was there for the Christmas period. But I am more pissed off about the lack of opportunity and blatant favouritism going on.
I am known by upper management to have immaculate work ethic – as in I get the job done. If they (the highest management) openly acknowledged that – then maybe it is seen as I am “better” or “foistered” onto this shit manager.
Having this family loss hanging over my head, I feel devastated about the whole thing but I still act and would act like a professional. This petty bullshit is really petty and insignificant in comparison to losing your lover of many decades and your family. Days where the isolation between me and the fellow coworkers, it makes me feel angry and sick inside. I am not a bad or rude person. I want to be treated fairly and I want the same advancements for my career.