Things haven’t been great this week – it has been days of crying and beginning a mourning process. I can’t even begin to imagine how SO, or his family, are truly feeling. SO is beyond heartbroken over his news and I can’t help but cry when I see him so so upset. It has been very hard for the family members to talk about the person and talking about them in a positive present tense. Miracles can happen and I don’t think things are truly over until they can be over. But long, slow and painful death is not needed for the family. It hurts me seeing them all torn apart.
Although small, there is some good news for the family. SO’s extended family member has given birth. Seems like one comes in and another goes. SO is absolutely devastated thinking about the whole circle of life. I think if we had children, that person deserves an honourable mention (middle name).
In between my work break, I am helping out with religious funeral plans. Not being there with the family in person, that is the real killer for SO. He feels like he has been robbed of a “true” goodbye. Unfortunately, during out last European trip, SO said something scary to me. Like this was going to be the last time he saw the person. I don’t want him to be right over something like this. I remember telling him off at the time (obviously not hardcore YOU SAID THE WRONG THING) because I feel like this fatalist thinking is really unhealthy.
Only knowing the person such a short amount of time; but I got to hear all these loving stories about a character who touches a lot of people’s lives. I don’t want to insert myself into SO’s story but hearing about this person and their long, loving marriage (being an anchor to an entire area) was absolutely heartbreaking. If there is going to be a funeral, I couldn’t imagine too many people liking me or going to mine. Then, I can only imagine the partner – they are absolutely devastated and I am worried for them too. It’s like a pair of love birds. You don’t really think about one without the other. I also hope SO’s family don’t lose their traditions, regardless of the outcome.