One of the unfortunate things in trying to have kids is figuring out (and spending money on) whether you can actually have them or not.
Despite what I originally thought – you can’t just have sex and a baby will pop out 9 months later.
I feel sad when I find out I can’t immediately have a kid – and the whole process of trying to do the kid thing can be really upsetting/stressful. I have been told by medical professionals that is MORE common for women (and to an extent men if they are the “problem” to fertility) to have problems trying to conceive children….a whole range of things from fertility to whether they can have actual sex. I find the whole “pregnancy doing” stressful because you think you can get it right and then BOOM. The only way a woman can find out is by not getting a period (and sometimes murderous vagina signs don’t automatically mean baby).
SO (who was really pro-kid in the first place) actually painted a beautiful picture of us (as a deeply loving married couple) with kids. I am beyond ecstatic at the thought of having a clone of myself or my dear significant other in my life.
I am at the stage in life where (while I openly hate children) – I don’t mind having my OWN children. I would rather know if there are problems while I am in my 20s – rather than have that biological clock ticking and then find out in my 30s there are problems. If I was a parent (which I hope is sooner rather than later) I don’t want to be an “older parent”.
I also don’t want to be so intertwined with my future children that it diminishes my life goals, wants, travels and that of my relationship with SO. There is more to me than just being a wife or a worker or a relative and so on….
I think people misjudge me not liking children – I have grown up looking after many children. I wouldn’t hurt/drop/not feed/neglect my future children. I would raise individuals who were capable of critical thinking, kindness and being themselves (without being a BFF to my kids). Despite kids shitting me off with the whining, I am having children in my wedding party. I don’t mind playing with children provided they aren’t spoilt, screaming hellspawn shits and I can send them back to their parents after we are done playing.
What I have ALWAYS had an issue with is special snowflake parents who think their kid is the best and their shit doesn’t stink. The one with the screaming kid in public, not doing anything about it or using their vagina as an excuse for bad parenting. I think bad parents who go around making other people’s day miserable with their bratty hellspawn should be ashamed. Oh and snowflake parents who constantly put their child on social media are equally bad in my view.
In order to do all the kid stuff… you have to go see a OBGYN – finding a suitable one has been extremely difficult and I find the whole process of trying to have a kid stressful and invasive.
Finding someone to deal with these problems or start looking down that route has been really difficult. Without private hospitals – Australia currently has a good health care system – despite governments trying to erode it and force everyone into a quasi USA health system (which is shit) which privatises EVERYTHING – and I intend on using it (and very happy to pay for the best my wages can afford) to have children.
If you were rich (most of the better ones go to private hospitals and don’t like seeing cash paying clients) you can have your choice in whatever doctor you want. After being reject I think any doctor, who made a Hippocratic oath to “heal” other people, should be ashamed of only taking the wealthiest of patients rather than people who actually need help all round. I had similar problems with the dentist when I needed my teeth removed because “Australian dentists are only taking private patients”.
I get you pay lots of money and time going into medicine but if you’re only in medicine for financial gain rather than helping people – I feel these doctors should not be government funded. I would also hope that the governments here (or the medical industry) take on local graduates and give them the tools to be helping everyone – not just their wallets.
I hope I will be able to get some good news and pointers in achieving the goal. Having a wedding baby would be so cute (if achievable) and I know both SO and myself would make good parents. I still have lots of life ahead and lots of fun things to do – travel, making friends, art, hobbies, working in a better job/career….
Early days yet but I don’t want to be fucking around for too long on this kid issue : (