This is my honest look (so far) about paying for the wedding. From DYI planning – I am adamant against anyone else for wedding things because, in my opinion, they might get ideas about what we want for our wedding. I feel the same regardless of whether it is my own family or inlaws.
A disclaimer: I’m not pretending to be the sole purchaser of anything in my wedding; we are splitting costs 50:50. Now my opinions might not all be happy happy lala…but I think it’s good to talk about all aspects of wedding planning because what you see on social media…or magazines or even speaking to other people- it’s all lies/glossed up!
How badly vendors tried to upsell things
The “w” word sometimes gets vendors all excited. I certainly want the guests to enjoy themselves, no different from SO, but I am not going so far out of the budget that I will be financially crippled and paying a mortgage just for one wedding day. To avoid going over budget (it’s no longer 5k after the increase in guests by SO) we are sticking to our guns on minimum spending. Contractual information and minimum spending/requirements we are paying for have been key to keeping the wedding on track. SO has been really good in terms of saying no to vendors but also we have been motivating each other to budget for the wedding and not go OTT in spending on wedding things.
You should do planning more than 6 months ahead of time
Our wedding planning was pretty quick to proceed… I feel like in hindsight, both SO and myself- from day one should have both been like making deposits once we were happy with stuff and not pussyfooting around at the beginning of the year. This month I’ve made church deposits, I’ve made wedding dress layby payments…photographer…SO’s outfit…By me – I also include SO as he pays ½ of the fees. However, if SO (who sucks at organisation and paperwork) had his own way – we would have unlikely deposited much until closer to the time. His idea of “being too early” was 6 months. Not being able to get some basic things like a photographer would have been a bridezilla declaration of war. His “not worried about timeliness” approach worked in some aspects like reception venue – but in others like wedding ceremony venue (I ended up getting the last slot for our chosen day…and on top of that it was perfect because it was an afternoon/evening slot – I am not a morning person and wanted to sleep in/get ready).
All those deposits add up!
I am of the opinion that you should try pay ½ of your deposit and then negotiate terms for paying up until your wedding date. This doesn’t work for smaller vendors like photographers, suit hire (unless you layby or buy from a department store in Australia), cake makers, florists, hotels or transport (we are only hiring/buying some of these things). At the moment, SO and I spilt our costs in half and I am feeling really stressed (this is on top of finding friends…). I think we can pull it off in time –but I don’t want to put my life entirely on hold for a procession of wedding payments.
I would never let SO do a “Facebook Group” in conjunction with a wedding website again
Some of his many guests are too fucking lazy to RSVP properly. My family (mostly) got it right. If I knew SO was just going to degrade invites (in a misguided attempt at saving money) to facebook invites – I would have never purchased a wedding website. I have a feeling SO’s lack of telling people anything about the wedding means they will a) wear the same wedding colour as my dress (which is a wedding guest death wish), b) didn’t tell them our ceremony is unplugged (and told me, despite me saying I don’t want some motherfucker with their camera out in the middle of our wedding, it wasn’t a “big deal” if they interrupted our wedding – considering I have an uncle joe family member…it is a big deal to me!) c) won’t get anything in our registry because all the instructions are on their and SO’s told his guests “I don’t know how to do the registry” – which I’ve annoyed him about for nearly a month and a half to tell people about.
Some fucking guests are too lazy to RSVP
I’m more pissed off at guests who RSVP via facebook – or not at all. If I am going out of my way to fucking pay for your meal and entertainment on my wedding day (our wedding day); the least you could fucking do as a guest is read your proper invite and, if you so wish, an appropriately gifted present. I think in combination with facebook (I love being a techie – but I do not want my wedding degraded to a simple facebook group and I don’t even have facebook anymore!) with wedding invites is cheapskate and lets guests think they can ‘yes’/’no’ a wedding invite. I think any guest who just does the facebook invite instead of fucking reading the wedding website (with all the information I’ve written and SO proofread) is a fucking idiot. With SO basically giving some guests “a choice” of replying via Facebook – I have no actual fucking clue what the final guest list number is. SO has this idea of inviting random ass people from ancient times… (partially because his parents asked him to do so) and I think adding random motherfuckers from more than 5 years ago is a recipe for disaster and increases costs…So much for a small wedding of 50 people max.