My father’s family put the strange in estranged families.
Many people feel under great pressure to reconcile with their family, whilst others yearn for a healthy family relationship and try to reach out to create this. The question of fairness and reconciliation is often talked about in our community, and many people do feel like their estrangement is their fault. The very principle of distancing yourself from a difficult family situation can lead to thoughts that you are to blame for not being able to cope with your family or ‘play’ happy families.
Every family breakdown is different, but it’s important to think about reconciliation when the time is right for you, and also your family. Family members may try and reach out, but you must assess whether you are all capable of talking calmly, and also if everyone is willing to take the steps needed to repair some of the damage in your relationship.
Change in any relationship cannot only come from one ‘side’, and you must be careful not to be cornered in a situation where you’re forced or pressured into admitting all the problems are your fault.
If you’re in the position where you don’t want to reconcile, but are experiencing contact from your family, it’s best to kindly explain that you’ll get back in touch when the time is right for you.
I am always the one trying to make an effort and all I get is whinging about their problems (and rarely anything positive). It’s like bloody drama central and they seem to relish in being drama queens. Very rarely do I get asked anything about the wedding or anything about me – it’s occasional bitching about the past or the familial nemesis snubbing them for a rich family. The nemesis also has no “innocence” that family always banned me from Christmas and being “allowed” to join in.
I think broken promises on my father’s side of the family (and being general assholes on social media towards me – along with the nemesis being favoured over me for being “rich” and/or “pretty”) are pretty par for the course.
They weren’t invited to the wedding as a pissing contest with the familial nemesis. I genuinely tried to have a relationship with them (despite my better judgement sometimes and past experiences with their absentee approach). I am calling it now that they will leave it last minute to not attend!