It’s been nearly three months since I’ve decided I have finally had enough of my parents’ collective bullshit and need for drama (and for the whole world to revolve around them). After trying to make our wedding about THEM; I’ve had an absolute gutful. This is just one event too many (in my life ) which they have tried to turn into a dismissive event (“oh that’s not really an important event’) or tried to control outright with no regards to my feelings/wants/needs (“separate wedding event with SO’s family”). After being very insulted by their behaviour (for my sake and I don’t have a happy history with my Mother in Law) – SO’s family basically thinks they can get fucked too.
WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT?! Only fucking immature idiots who think everyone is a fucking idiot (but them) and how everyone should be feeling sorry for them because no one wants to fucking go near them or deal with their two faced shit.
It would have been three happy months without having to think about my parents. However, SO has mentioned my parents a few times now in the last fortnight. The reason why SO has been asking so much about my parents is due to a few family birthdays coming up. He’s expecting my mother (the mouthpiece as my father can’t be fucked getting off his lazy fucking ass to do anything but eat) to communicate with him (since I blocked both my parents) to guilt him into going to see the for the birthdays. On their turf. On their terms and where my lifestyle choices, or better yet, wedding guestlist choices will be questioned and sniggered at. “Oh why did you invite that person – they’re fucked in the head/r*t*rd*d fucking idiot/psycho”. They can’t say one nice thing about another person; unless they use or manipulate that person when my parents want something.
I have asked SO to also (out of respect for me) to not engage them in conversation about me (should HE chose to have an interdependent relationship). But it’s not a normal relationship with my parents; you can’t go shopping or brunching with my mother or have father-daughter moments. They are so caught up in their own things – they either a) don’t turn up to ‘family’ events and b) turn up so late c) change the event to suit their liking (they don’t like leaving their house so if we were to go out to a restaurant – my parents would rudely demand the plans be changed for them).
I have to do wedding stuff with another female family member (while they have their religious obsession and male hating, sometimes OTT shortcomings) are more interested in me than both of my parents ever will be. SO doesn’t get that and I think maybe feels sorry because they cause their own problems (such as people cutting them out – not just me – recurring habit). I am happier as a person (and for my own mental wellbeing) not being around hateful, toxic people like my parents.
I am furious about the notion of re-establishing contact. Things aren’t going to change – my parents are old enough now, those personality traits and rude words and lifestyle habits aren’t going to change. Unless they seek behaviour changing psychology or behaviour reinforcement; but this is my parents we are talking about not Pavlov’s dogs.
I have said to SO, although he strongly disagrees with me…any future child/ren we have will not be involved with those people. If I have to get something in writing like a will…or use this blog post (god forbid) – I don’t want anyone else corrupted or made fun of or devalued by those two evil individuals. SO thinks that it should be supervised and on our terms; but I don’t want to subject myself or future kids to that. Kids pick up on all sorts of feelings and I don’t think my parents have the maturity, care or emotional intelligence to be reasonable role models. I have done enough research (and know from my institution) that my parents would never treat my future child/ren well; they could badmouth me or corrupt their thinking to poison the child/ren against SO or myself – or they would play favourites – or they would do things on their terms. I had a miserable childhood so why subject my future child/ren to what I’ve had to put up with? It’s not a rhetorical question. I have never been appreciated by those two pairs of individuals.
When it comes to parents and weddings; the media has these engaged people. Normal life has engaged parents. Mine are so self absorbed and hateful that they HAD to tell me at Christmas, that they weren’t going to come.
Luckily, since they care very little about me nor asked, they don’t know where the wedding is going to be held or what day. I am also still getting over the “separate wedding event” just for them. Their excuse (outside of hating my side of the guest list) was pathetic considering we have international guests flying in to visit SO.
A parent is someone who LOVES, NURTURES and SUPPORTS you. These are a sperm and egg donor…biological parents. That’s all! And worst of all I feel disgusted at the notion of feeling pity or sadness for them – they did their own actions and quite happily too! Were our/my feelings considered at the Christmas abuse about our wedding? Think about that…
I shouldn’t have to be playing games “who is the bigger person” or being a “martyr” or “Cinderella” – I am at a stage in my life, after years of abuse, where I am sick of their shit. For me – it was an easy (and right) choice and I won’t be guilted because “they are my parents”.
It’s simple – you don’t invite trash into your house, well neither do I!