I haven’t heard much from my recently connected family members on my father’s side. That side of the family have more problems than I have fingers and toes.
I don’t feel like my family (on that side) always make a genuine effort to attempt contact unless it’s bitching about another family member or complaining about problems. With all long-distance family members, the distance is good – but I expect a real relationship that is two-ways and efforts to maintain it or none at all. I don’t want other people’s crap off loaded on me – I have enough stress and life problems and issues I have in my daily life.
One of the “big” issues which no one seems to be speaking about is abuse from another family member. One main concern is being scapegoated for that family member’s bullshit and people just sticking up for that family member. I have zero reasons to lie about anything and I don’t think the issue will ever be 100% addressed.
I don’t want anyone (closer to the wedding) telling that family member shit about me or my actions – I have legitimate concerns that if that person ever came back into my life there would be extreme drama they cause. The abuse was a serious issue for me and I don’t want what happened to be unacknowledged or treated as a joke.
I don’t know if anything is being said but when a family member is “best friends” with the abuser and they “talk about all the relatives on the phone” then it would be a safe and logical assumption that I *may* get a mention somewhere down the track. Which I don’t want.
The second issue is the familial nemesis and her wedding…
I think if the family members have a separate, better and longer relationship with her then by all means go ahead and do what you want. I want to understand why she is so horrible and the anti-thesis of everything I am as a human being. I want to know what I did to deserve the long, piss poor treatment or lack of acknowledgement from them.
All I know about my familial nemesis’ wedding (this is coming from direct comments, from my own family members on our shared side of the family tree, and what I’ve read/seen/spied on public information online):
Nemesis is getting married next month and my wedding is end of 2017 – with 2 weddings and that side of the family being poor and on limited income – there is possibly a choice about what wedding they will attend. They’ve indicated that it will likely be my wedding (depending on circumstances) as the nemesis does not acknowledge our shared side of the family tree. Actually it’s a trait her entire family have.
That side of the family were SOOO snobby to me – that I often spent Christmases alone because my other family members were invited to Christmas but my parents weren’t very nice to people so – by extension through no fault of my own even long after I disassociated myself from my horrible parents – I was never invited to these parties. Imagine being alone on Christmas because the nemesis’ family was playing favourites with who could celebrate Christmas. I was angry at the time because I felt other family members should have said no or asked outright why I was being lumped in the same category as my horrible parents. My family should have had more balls to stand up for me instead of going to have a wonderful time and not even question why things were they way they were.
Other rumours I heard about the wedding include flying guests in business and first class – my nemesis is marrying into money (and had a silver spoon when growing up with the brat reputation to match…such as burning 1000s of dollars of designer clothes and demanding people stop their work (jobs) and go out to buy her lunch).
The nemesis probably will be able to afford all the dream things I would have liked for my own wedding – but meh, each to their own tastes. A wedding is about having a special time with your guests – not throwing around money and taking out loans or credit cards if you can’t afford things. I am not interested in displays of wealth and keeping up with the Jones. I don’t think money doesn’t buy class or happiness.
If the issue is money, which I doubt it is because that side of the family is poor and can’t afford to travel twice around Australia, then they aren’t getting shit from myself or SO. We have our own lives and we aren’t feeding sycophants.
I would like to know essentially (but don’t have the courage to ask) which family members are attending that wedding and whether the family members I’ve recently established contact with, will be in attendance. I don’t like the idea of playing favourites. I’d be pretty angry if it turns out that my long-lost family members lied or deliberately chose one wedding over another.
I don’t know if they are aware of the social media spying (I’d guess yes because they don’t answer any questions or mention much about the nemesis except in passing comments) – if my familial nemesis has been telling them crap about me – which I suspect SOMETHING has been said because they were originally all like oh let me show the nemesis’ photos and the photos of their newborn baby (never asked for them) and then never a mention again about it (not that I asked but the emails jump from a range of topics) – if the long distance family ever did meet with me – I don’t want any confrontations or something to cause social embarrassment.
I don’t know why but there is some kind of benchmark or some kind of need to better myself and seeing my nemesis in action (via public social media posts) motivates me not to be a horrible, materialistic person. Maybe it’s like a reverse (mental) image board – I don’t know…a motivation to be better than my nemesis.
Regardless of my father’s side and their problems – if they don’t attend the wedding – I/we couldn’t care less because there will be plenty of people who do care about us.