The weekend is finally fucking here!!!!!!!!!
This week has been emotionally tough week for me (this beginning of the year thing always depresses me a little [it’s true!]) – I am in the middle of transitioning to move to another area (to start my long[er] term role) – for me the role is similar to what I did when I first started out at my former workplace (the infamous Fort Asshole).
I originally got my new role by blowing away someone who can hire people (not the person I am going to be working for) because I couldn’t be permanently hired in the position I did over Christmas. They had someone lined up, that fell through and ended up offering it to another girl who works in a similar role to me. So while waiting for the successor to get involved with my current role I have to do the handover.
While I have the attitude that everything I am doing in that workplace is solely $$$$ and to fund the wedding and our life goals – there are some perks which I am going to be upset about losing. I also know my successor only got the job because she works with the biggest boss in the building and the biggest boss coached her through that job (super bummed about that but also motivated to network in the office…more about that later). My current boss (up until this week) seemed to have wanted me to stay put – but I while I would have been happy to stay on – I always was told/viewed the job as not permanent. So the perks are…I work in a nice office and don’t currently have to be glued to my desk (like I was forced to do at Fort Asshole).
I also heard that an identical position to what I am currently doing – will be available short term but the asshole who gave me a hard time over email merges (who refuses to acknowledge me when I say something like “hello”) prefers my predecessor. I think my predecessor might be “gloating” about this because there’s been a bit of an attitude shift… when I was in the predecessor’s role I didn’t really go around showing off or anything. On the other hand, it’s a higher paying role and I would have liked the opportunity for a continued high pay, good work desk and being able to show what I’ve got off.
I also know now, that if I don’t like my new role (money is money and I can put up with repetitive boring work for a good pay) or the promises of the higher role don’t come through – I am going to work elsewhere. I deserve to go up in my career and I deserve some respect. I might not be an extrovert but I am a very hard worker and deserve good $$$$$$$$$$$$$$.
It really feels like a demotion in most ways because it’s $$$$ but less responsiblity and not easy for me to work my way up to the top. If I want an ally like a boss or someone who can offer me a better position somewhere in the year (as I have been promised when I signed my contracts) then I want to be sitting near them and they can see what I actually do. Going to a not-so-nice work office (the thought of being in an office with no windows or being near natural light is really upsetting me!) and “lesser” work is bumming me out.
I am trying to be a professional and not talk to anyone (including SO) about my feelings. Instead, I have asked around informally about the new team and they seem to be OK. The main thing is that there is less gossip and less personality. It’s an older team again (which is what happened at Fort Asshole) so making a work friend could also be very hard.
Other things on my reflective/sad mood include still not 100% socialising/mingling with others. I am trying to avoid cliques (which were a big problem in my last workplace) – this workplace seems to have a young clique (I think most of them are all in the same work area and work under the same young manager) and then there are Asian cliques. No one really invites me to do much or talk to me. I don’t want to be like the loner kid at lunch or a lost puppy – but I would at least like SOMEONE to make an effort to engage with me.
People fuck off for lunch on Fridays and I’m sitting there with the crickets and humming computers and a few high level bosses. No one even says a thing to me…which is sad. I work around people all day and I make an effort to engage at morning teas and other food events (need to watch my weight and what I eat until I get my membership back) and I really enjoy eating/having some alone time but it’s the offer that would be (good) manners. I read today that people sitting in their car to eat lunch (or going away from the office like me) is very common…especially among introverts. I am seeing the positives of also getting some battery back and having peace and quiet. SO reckons the friends at work may come over time (if I stay there longer…) – I text him when I have down time and at his new role he eats alone too 😦
When I was in the workplace (under the short term contract) they basically treated me like nearly invisible/slaving away. Some people were friendly but others were outright treating me like a common low-level admin member. Someone (I’ve mentioned her before being a “you’re my receptionist shitbag” sort of person first leaned over me when I met her without asking to use my computer and phone. I was internally very HFDU BITCH but said nothing. She also implied I was a dummy which I took some offence too and basically said “no, I’ve actually just finished my postgraduate studies thanks“.)
I get SMSes/texts from other staff members (my phone is needed for my role) and they’re like “oh so and so is a gossip”…. When I hear little bits of gossip, I try to keep quiet and not get too vocal – SO said I need to avoid any conflicts and not repeating history like last time 😦 😦 😦
Being here for a little while is giving me a non-roses tinted view of my new workplace for 2017 – I think it’s good sometimes to have a positive view but also be aware (and stop a historical repeat of previous behaviours).One thing about my new workplace is that the size shits all over my former workplace. So instead of having an office spread out over a large area – this is a large number of people being shoved into a smaller area. Albeit, I like how modern my new workplace is.
Bring on the weekend and hopefully enough sleep and less stress for the new working week.