Over Christmas (two years into our engagement) SO told me it was time for a wedding date. I was a little gobsmacked but originally we were going to get married on our anniversary but SO changed his mind a few days after going along with it all. However, this doesn’t excuse the fact he refused to tell his family while we were in Europe about the whole engagement thing. It’s a pretty big thing to hide IMO. If his family don’t like me now….I think it’s pretty obvious that neither of us care because we live together and they live in another country (and don’t see me enough to judge me). Slow and steady seems to be the approach with SO and frightening him into getting married quickly isn’t the best approach. The fact he is finally enthused about the engagement makes me happy because I don’t want to be presented as someone who “forced him into it” when that’s not what I want either.
So here is the rough breakdown of what we are going for:
I would personally like to go for 5k as the budget.
My significant other is a known penny pincher but I like luxury. However, I can 100% agree with why he wants to save money with this wedding. I don’t think it is a bad thing to want to save money for something that in all reality is a one day event. I want to do this as well! I would like to go under as we are looking to buy a house and we both love travelling. Since I’ve got my job back we can do a bit more with our weekly incomes (which is great because who the fuck takes out 65+ thousand loans and who the fuck came with that as the national Australian average?) Some people blow my mind with 65k weddings.
How has this been broken down:
Guests 50 as a ball park figure (SO has asked me not to tell the guests about the event yet).
- 2000-2500 for reception, food and booze
- 1000 for the bucks and hens (at the most)
- 500-1000 at the most for dresses, tux and wedding flowers
- 1000 for the church ceremony, church donations, related legal paperwork and marriage counselling (a requirement for religious ceremony)
I have to give SO some credit, I thought he would be bitching about the budget more than he has (he has vetoed a lot of my ideas though) but he has shown interest in the reception venue – mostly because he wants to be involved in the food process. If he wants to get married, not um and ah about the wedding day or the idea of getting married – then more power…because forcing someone will cause future resentment.
So… what are the essentials for OUR wedding:
- Good food and booze – for SO this is what people in his country do. For us collectively, we are both foodies and think people want to eat some good food and get fucked up. I think this is the main thing that we both want to get right.
- Good dressing/looking good
- Enjoying each other’s company and the big step in our lives – this is the first thing and a given for me.
Things we have arranged:
- The big day!
- Wedding church and paperwork
- Wedding counselling class (they make you do one before you can marry in a church)
- Church donation
- Security/ushers – my family have been misbehaving lately (namely my mother who wants to take any attention off me onto her as usual – both SO and I are fed up with her shitty selfish me-based behaviour). I don’t feel like I could trust my mother to sit there and not cause a scene (or my father for that matter).
Things SO has banned:
- Engagement photos because “he doesn’t do that” and it “causes too much attention for him”
- Wedding registry – although I may bring him around because he doesn’t want people *if they do it* bring him gifts. Well people bring gifts to a wedding and we should control what we actually need vs. crap people think we need.
- Too many flowers
- Expensive jewelry
- Expensive wedding jewels (so no Viktoria Novak for me 😦 😦 )
- Photographer/videographer – he may concede to a friend who photographs – but it won’t be a model world type of character. I think the non-negotiable is looking good and having memories. Who doesn’t photograph their own wedding?
How we are saving money:
- Avoiding using the word wedding unless this service will actually be at the wedding – if they are seeing the church or the reception…then MAYBE the word wedding will be revealed – Why should the price for simple foods/cakes/makeup/hair/clothes be jacked up because it involves a wedding. I am actively using the word private function or party – and I am trying to get SO to remember this as well. I don’t want either of us to slip up if we are using a service…
- Avoiding exclusive hire – Instead of having exclusive usage of some venues that are around – we will either hire a room, a local hall (which has it’s own problems with decor and entertainment costs), or a few booths at a trendy restaurant.
- Web cam or streaming for those who can’t come – We aren’t made of money and we can’t afford to fly all SO’s or my relatives out.
- Keeping our ideas and not getting family members to put things in we can’t do or afford – It’s our wedding not theirs.
So far wedding planning is going good!
I like SO being involved and when he makes sensible (not fucking with my head ideas) – I actually enjoy the challenge of having this 5k budget. If we go over by 1-2k it’s not ideal but it will depend on what magic tricks I can pull out. I am considering SO’s tastes and his needs – he said himself it is about give and take. We want nice things and we both felt spending so much or getting a loan for one day is delusional. People we know got married well before our time with cheaper budgets and they seem to be still married in one piece.
I am going to use my bargaining and shopping skills for good and look forward to blogging/sharing my wedding planning with you all.