I love the Christmas holidays but this year I am dreading the family aspect of it.
I think Christmas is a time of good food, presents and peace.
It is the first time my entire family is engaging with me. SO (who is more familar with family orientated Christmases) is like oh they’re your family… it’s an obligation. I am of the opinion, whether it is family or not; you are obliged to tolerate, or be around anyone, you don’t like. If your family member/s are causing trouble for you – then you certainly don’t need to pretend one time of the year like all is right with the world. I actually enjoy a very laid back Christmas without bullshit. With the exception over being sick of being dragged to everyone and anyone’s house – I 90% enjoyed most of last year‘s European Christmas.
I even considered booking a NYE cruise or doing something to avoid spending too much time near my family…
The Invitations…Oh Wait…WE DID IT FIRST!
The key thing that really pissed me off: this year we invited people over (ahead of time) to do something on SO’s/my terms. SO was the one who said “we should do it early so they don’t make other plans/could refuse us”. I agree with asking in November but not September…however it was the only time that a lot of them were around and SO was just trying to be engaging/friendly. Although I don’t know why we bother wasting his/my time on these people when they aren’t showing interest in me (or him).
There have been a few past comments (snobby ones) namely from my mother/my mother’s side about where I live. We live within our means and in a good neighbour. We just can’t control the standard of neighbours or their bad behaviour. Does that mean we are scumbags? HELL NO.
Well unless they are intending to open up their pockets and buy me/us a fucking home – then they should simply shut the fuck up and grace their presence. Also since WE offered first people should at least acknowledge we (mainly SO) were trying to engage in a bit more than family cliques and awkward silence.
So sure enough, as I predicted, everyone wants US to go to THEM. Some people (like my parents) aren’t invited and then my parents want to “compete” with the other relatives when they really should be doing other things. I have zero interest in Christmas pissing contests. There wasn’t even an acknowledgement that we made an offer to people! I am seriously pissed off and offended (especially since I lost my job after this invite and no one outside my immediate family has asked me how I am doing about that…or even a simple update/catch up offer).
My parents don’t like leaving their house or doing anything different outside their comfort zone (or as I would think – outside of their control). Sometimes, their public behaviour has been so rude and obnoxious (including rude comments in ethnic restaurants) that it is hard to find a place that will accept/be noisy enough to hide that behaviour. They don’t like foreign foods (apparently) and they would rather watch TV at home.
During other occasions my parents have been so publicly abusive about me/what I do. So the whole fucking world hears what I’ve done wrong or how I’ve allegedly fucked up. Not married yet. Fucked up big there. Haven’t got a permanent job. Oh I was working permanent jobs – you are just being so lazy Elle. I hate my birth name – repeatedly uses it in a conversation and how wonderful it is (SO has been pissing me off using my birth name and making all the stupid jokes I’ve heard about it before). Oh why don’t you tell people your birth name – BECAUSE IT FUCKING SUCKS AND IT’S NOT ME.
I get homebody urges too but I am more adventurous and I think it’s rude to umm and ahh about something you clearly don’t want to do. I am blunt/to the point. If it wastes my time then I don’t think we should go (or I should go). I also don’t want to go near my immediate family if all they want to do is lay insults into me.
My mother said “she doesn’t plan Christmas”. SO on the otherhand LOVES planning Christmas. His mother loves doing Christmas 1000000x times (which is one of the things I think we have common ground on). I was a bit pissed off because we had been planning meals and budgeted this… SO said that it meant it was more food for us. My mother also had been told SO had been so excited about planning Christmas too -which makes me think this was deliberate.
My mother’s side of the family has made me a lot angrier than my father’s side. It is very unnerving to see where she gets her behaviour from. The usual demanding behaviour of “you’re doing this” or treating me as a child with no opinion is grinding on my nerves.
Last time my mother’s side of the family did the whole family dinner thing – it was awkward as hell and no one said anything. There’s a bit of tension due to my mother’s tendencies to bring DRAMA into everything (and the fact nothing is ever her fault). They don’t really engage (and never have) with me and it is very hard to bring up any form of conversation without them getting all shitty. As difficult as my mother is…essentially (not verbally having to) banning me from having certain conservation points is not productive to any relationship. It says to me “I will only talk to you (Elle) if it’s on my terms”. For awhile the family members treated me as a novelty rather than someone to actually get to know.
So the “change in the Christmas plans” (with no acknowledgement we EVEN INVITED YOU FIRST) shat over the original plans. I lugged around last year to see people; I don’t want to do it again this year. I wanted a nice, quiet Christmas with SO.
SO was like we should go out of family obligations but also because it’s free food. If the free food is going to be stressful then why bother? If there is anymore drama, the only free food I think we should be stocking up on, is popcorn. And probably a bottle of wine to share.
I was very worried that a few family members would be brought up in conversation.
One being my familial nemesis (there’s not going to be a buddy buddy catch up and I’d prefer not to have my facebook stalking activities on blast). SO said facebook stalking is weird and it’s probably not smart to keep doing it. I know… what’s worse is sometimes (not as often as I used to) compare myself (because my nemesis is wealthy/marrying-married into a wealthy family) and I see myself as her anti-thesis – like I am self made bitch and I feel like I am a nicer person. I feel like I deserve that lifestyle a lot more.
My family members have brought the nemesis up a few times. I don’t know whether the nemesis knows/told them I spy on her. Oh she had a baby…oh she’s having a luxury wedding…oh she’s marrying a rich family…they’re so rich – it’s not said exactly like that but you get the idea that people get star struck because my nemesis has a pretty wardrobe and shitloads of money. Oh and also has a very nasty temper and has attacked/threatened a few people… Maybe it’s a test to see if I slip up and go “oh but I already knew that!” – “oh how do you know that Elle?”…. um can’t exactly say I know all of that person’s friends now (which is true as I went to school with a large majority of them and they were pretty cunty “popular”/rich high school girls). I did tell my family I don’t like her and don’t wish her ill (I don’t because it’s bad karma).
What I can tell you is I have some personal connections – money or no money at least I talk to people and don’t value someone based purely off money (intelligence is probably my main criteria and likeablity being equal second). I want to have similar things in life with SO. He deserves a good happy life too 🙂 Luckily for me, I have a cousin who is similar in personality/interests – she said the nemesis and I sound alike/have a similar background so that’s probably where a lot of the rivalry comes from.
My other family member problem is someone who did creepy behaviour. I sometimes get asked why I wasn’t in contact with them. Their behaviour was very exploitative (all I am going to say but you can read between the lines right???).
This year I just came out and said I am happy to have a Christmas chat (I would love one!) but this person did some seriously horrible things to me and I don’t want to be around that person or have that person as a conversation piece. Which is seriously different from my mother’s side of the family who iced me out for mentioning my mother.
I don’t 100% know if outing the person and what they did over a period of years was smart – but I think it might help my father’s family get a bit more understanding into me. I also don’t blame anyone but the creepy person for behaviours. I just want a stress life/peaceful life without them in it! I haven’t decided if I will pass this onto other family members but it felt right just to get the creep out of my secrets and not accept that past behaviour anymore.
Fingers crossed things will be OK…