Asking Questions at Job Interviews

Recently I’ve been sitting a lot of job interviews with mixed success. One thing that really shits me off about job interviews is the dreaded questions “tell me about yourself” aka the elevator pitch, “why should we hire you for the job”, education related questions and “do you have any more questions”. Oh and I’m worried my referees won’t give me a good reference too.

Elevator Pitch

I always feel like I start well but feel like I waft into pointless crap later on. I am not used to heaps of compliments and I’m not used to overly talking myself up – even if I am the best candidate for the job! I am not naturally a smiley happy happy joy joy. If I want to fucking continually smile like a stepford wife I would probably need to go on some kind of personality transplant or those medications where you are too shit faced to function as a human being (xanax?). I’m not really that type.

Why should we hire you?

Honest answer because clearly I have the same experience in other roles and I need the money. Or as Princess Leila famously said “You’re my only hope!” of getting money that is and not watching my SO carry on about money/overtime/judging my unemployment situation….

Education

It’s really annoying. “Oh how does your postgraduate studies affect your ability to do the job.” Considering it’s on my resume (right in front of you) that not only do I maintain excellent grades – I do them in my own private time. I am lucky to attend correspondence school where I don’t have to go to classes and sit exams in person. I probably wouldn’t turn up to classes anyway but the future employers don’t need to know that.

I sit there nicely and smile “oh throughout my studies I maintained excellent grades by concentrating on doing that in my own private time.” or some paraphrased form tacked off “I do correspondence study which is night time only – it has never interfered with my work” (as you can bloody see by the numerous jobs I’ve done…..)

Because I have sooooo many qualifications – I am automatically and sometimes unfairly written off as overqualified or about to look on for a new job. It’s really dumb but I guess I can see where the interviewers are coming from. I guess it would suck having someone in the job only to see them immediately fuck off for the next best offer. Employers, it works two ways. You do shitty pay/conditions/something unappealing and an employee has a better offer – why not. But wah wah we are in a employer’s market and there are lots of  future employees with jobs. I usually take my degrees off to avoid getting asked this question – and also so I can dazzle them with my intellect later on 😉

Do you have any questions?

I have read/heard that you should at least ask 2. But when you’re talking to me about things you already covered that I probably would’ve asked – I would look like a serious dumbass or inattentive if I make you repeat yourself. Usually I stick to why did the previous person leave the job, what is the time frame for the application process and what does the person do in a typical day.

I don't want to do anymore housecleaning...
I don’t want to do anymore housecleaning…

Like what the fuck else am I supposed to say? Interviews are allocated to certain times and they seem to drag on if you talk shit or talk waaay too much – and then you know you’ve not got that job. It’s a horrible cycle.

For one interview, the person I sat with didn’t even work in the same business as the real employer, undercut the pay and location (it was an OK spot for a dodgy business) and couldn’t/wouldn’t be able to answer any of my questions.

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