My Thoughts On Ending Of A Long Term ‘Friendship’

One thing I’ve learned many times in my life (and had reinforced for me); people come and people go.

Some people were meant to be around me and others weren’t. Some people I am happy to see the back of and there are a rare few who I do occasionally miss as a friend. The loss of friendship or companionship is a common theme in life and art. Heck a good example off the top of my head about this is the Beatles song ‘In My Life‘ (I think this might be a nice wedding song SO 😉 )

^ Excellent song.

There are places I remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all

Recently I’ve ended a friendship which, in hindsight, wasn’t worth my time or energy.I’m not going to proclaim in any way that this friendship was first-tier or BFF.

It may have come in ebbs and waves but it was always a consistent friendship. However, I never actually told SO that I’m no longer friends with this person until today.

The reason why I decided to keep this one to myself was because I didn’t know how he would feel. He has known this person in some capacity during our dating time. He has engaged with this person and has/had his own opinion of them during the times they have conversed. He also knows this person and I had been friends a long time. After the last few years, I thought he may have wanted me to encourage/pursue this as an oversight rather than terminate the friendship. And I am proud to say I’ve handled this one better than the last fallout I’ve had.

A big big part of my problems is this; I don’t think I attract the right friends (always trying to see the good in people) and I think people don’t value friendship now days. Like Grey’s Anatomy outside of SO, I couldn’t think of my “person” or bff (thinking FEMALE here) to tell good or bad news too.

This sometimes depresses me when I want to think about wedding stuff or have an XX soundboard/shopping companion/guinea pig/someone to do girl things with.

I see the female BFF concept in shows like Sex in the City and any given rom-com (Sisterhood of Travelling Pants or Revenge or Spring Breakers…..) – people are waaaay too self centred or thinking about the benefits or popularity a person can give. No one wants to put effort into anything nowadays (sometimes yes, this includes me). SO likens my problem to being ‘blind’ or ‘worship’ until this person does something ‘wrong’ and then the friendship cools off. Like a honeymoon stage of friendship with people.

Even got the underground shit you did with scam 😛

A little background into this friendship; this was my longest friendship between 15-20 years. This person I went to high-school with and then afterwards we played on teams together. I was responsible for introducing this person to fashion/model world and giving them first jobs. This person also worked with me (no problems) during the Modapocalyspe Project. That shoot is THE lowest point in my creative life. We both come from very different backgrounds but similar culture (me being mixed and this person being full).

Sometimes there have been times were I’ve felt frustrated (but didn’t say anything) to this person or I had warning signs instinctively which I’ve tried to overlook as I actually enjoyed spending time with this person. I’ve mentioned this person in a few previous blog posts:

So after 6-12 months of doing my own thing (like looking for a job, dealing with resume classes, trying to work on projects, being alone for most of the day when I was unemployed) I was able to do a paid project. This person was immediately the first to talk to me, even though they have not bothered to converse with me in ages. Like you think I’m going to give you a job (and money) when you’ve been less than a friend to me? Like fuck I would.

I decided to ignore this comment and just work on my own things. This person popped up in the emails (I had asked people interested to do so) and was addressing me in a way like we had never known each other for nearly 20 years. WTF. I decided to ignore the email and work on other things.

The only not-job related comment I’ve received from this person in nearly a year was my engagement. It wasn’t even a congratulations it was a facebook LIKE.

So when this person popped up again for another job it was word-for-word “It’s nice that you email me when you want something but don’t communicate with me at any other time.Oh well.” I have never even had so much as an argument with this person. At that point I think a facebook unfriending happened on their end. If that person WAS a friend, a few moments where “Oh I may have actually annoyed/offended/upset Elle.” I felt better for politely getting my point off my chest and that’s what matters to me (even if the moron didn’t get it or doesn’t).

^ Being sarcastic here. Duh. In case you couldn’t pick it up.

Out of the many dumpings and being the dumpee in my friendships; this one was the least energy spent. I’m definitely still annoyed at this person, reflecting on past events involving this person, and they are a user. If I want problems with people I have enough at work thanks.

RESOURCES FOR YOU:

http://www.oprah.com/relationships/What-to-Do-When-Youre-Left-Out-Etiquette-Being-Excluded

http://www.oprah.com/relationships/How-to-End-a-Friendship-Cutting-off-a-Friend

http://www.theguardian.com/books/australia-culture-blog/2013/may/29/bff-female-friendships-end

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14991/how-to-know-when-its-time-to-end-a-friendship.html

http://www.succeedsocially.com/endfriendship

http://waitbutwhy.com/2014/12/10-types-odd-friendships-youre-probably-part.html

http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/family/relationships/toxic-friendship-signs

http://www.therealcougarwoman.com/2011/08/women-with-toxic-friends.html

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-friendship-doctor/201105/why-would-someone-have-no-friends

http://www.refinery29.com/toxic-friendship

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